It is easy to criticize existing laws, rules, processes, etc. In an office filled with people across the political spectrum, conversations about such things can get very animated and interesting. A recent office conversation inspired the question for the latest CS team blog: If you could have any law named after you, what would the rule be?
Tracey Mendrek, Executive Vice President
*Tracey’s Law – The misuse of sports terms.*
People who use or write the term “golfing” will from this moment forward not be allowed to cover and/or step foot on a golf course again – ever. This new law stems from a more recent phenomenon from a group or groups of people who do not understand that you do not go golfing. You play golf. As support for this new law please see: tennising, footballing or basketballing. Swimming and running are excluded from said law.
This law is effective immediately and retroactive.
Patrick Skarr, Account Supervisor
*P.D. Skarr’s Law*
It shall be unlawful for any commercial office building to have bathrooms in the common area closed for regular cleaning or maintenance between the hours of 4:45 and 5:45 p.m. when workers are likely to be headed home for the commute.
*Skarr’s Law* (Inspired by the fact that I, by virtue of my last name could never grow up to be a plastic surgeon):
Parents shall be civilly liable, for payments to the state or by their progeny for the emotional duress, lost wages, of giving their child a name a name that is a noun or adjective, such as apple, flint, lovely or Lil’. As a remedy, the child is eligible to pursue as injunctive relief – a legally binding motion to rename their parents to an equally dumb, insulting or obnoxious name.
Secondarily, these parents shall be eligible to be sued by the heirs to the Scrabble fortune, for ruining the game by making proper nouns out of otherwise eligible words.
Julia Schatz, Senior Account Executive
*Julia’s Law – Social Cell Phone Etiquette*
Julia’s law would be that people would be banned from calling, texting, browsing social media or any other use of their cell phone while engaging in social situations with one or more individuals such as the following: dining, driving, meetings, etc. A large monetary fee will be paid to the individual who is affected by the lack of social graces of the offender. I will forever be known as Emily Post 2.0.
Conor Culloton, Assistant Account Executive
*Conor’s Law* – As told from the intern desk:
It shall be just cause for termination of employment, if an individual is found to have applied for a job without disclosing that they have changed their name and/or identity. Furthermore, businesses have the right to include on applications the following question, provided it stays in the following form, “Did you at anytime change your identity, or use an altar ego, pseudonym or stage-name, in the past 29 years?”
Exclusions to this law apply upon court order from the U.S. Marshall’s office.